I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
