This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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