no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
