I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
