The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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