i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
