took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can't turn off my feet"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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