I didn't shave. On purpose
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
