I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
