so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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