is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
