is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
