She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
