i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
