we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
