She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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