we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
