The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
