I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
