i will never coherently bang her
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
