I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
