i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
