Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
