this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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