hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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