Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
