nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Boobs speak an international language.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is classic penis vs brain.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
