You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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