he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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