It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
