oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
