Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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