so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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