the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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