Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
