we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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