Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
