I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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