If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
MIDGETS
????
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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