Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
