worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
