dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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