This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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