next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
