He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
