I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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