You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
