my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just want to make out with him forever
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
