You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
