Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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