so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize