She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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