Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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