lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
