listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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